Updated: Sep 2, 2020
Around October and November 2019 my team psychologist told me I was dealing with PTSD and Anxiety. I had been dealing with nightmares and anxiety for a few weeks prior but I thought PTSD was more for the military and people in the inner city communities who witness violent crimes. I didn't really think my situation was serious enough to be labeled PTSD.
I have a habit of minimizing my feelings and situations whether they are positve or negative. That goes along with my anxiety I guess. I get anxiety when I am doing really well and sometimes I often tend to disappear after doing something really well because the attention causes me to overthink and makes me uncomfortable. When I am dealing with a situation that is negative I also tend to minimize my feelings and I try to convince myself that it isn't that serious and I'm probably overreacting. This side of my anxiety comes from my freshman year when I tried to speak up about a specific situation that happened to me and the people who I counted on for support didn't believe me and thought I was exaggerating. Ever since then I find it hard to understand my feelings and understand if they are valid. This anxiety is what caused me to wait five months before opening up about the situation that caused me PTSD and anxiety.
Right before I transferred to Syracuse, my relationship with my ex boyfriend turned abusive. The days leading up to that night gave me plenty of warning signs that I should not have made excuses for but I never actually thought it would get that serious. The night my relationship turned abusive was the scariest moment of my life, I was terrified. The scariest thing about an abusive relationship is that you are looking in the eyes of the person you loved and you see they aren't themselves. They are a totally different person. The anger and rage behind their eyes is terrifying and you don't know what they are going to do to you. The other scariest part of being in an abusive relationship is that most bystanders do not help. I was screaming at the t